Furious and furiouser

They say strength does not come from winning but from the struggles along the way and it has become clear I am destined to struggle in everything I do if the last three days are an accurate indicator.  The task in hand is to organise the up and coming Prep School Summer Ball and I had no idea putting on event of this kind would be such source of angst for all those concerned as well as an enormous headache for me.

I took up my current role in appreciation of the Bursaries we were awarded by the Headmaster. His actions made it possible for my younger two children to follow in their brother and sisters footsteps by enjoying an independent education which would have otherwise been beyond our means.  Having always believed  every effort should be made to pay ones way, I was happy to help when the Head asked me to consider being the Chairman of their Friends as the previous one had resigned after last year’s ball.

·         How hard could it be for someone with six years experience in the role of Chairman at her children’s previous school?

·         How hard could it be for someone who, at twenty five ran three of her own retail outlets and employed eight staff?

·         How hard could it be for someone who advised four hundred and fifty financial services clients every year?

·         How hard could it be for someone whose working life was spent entirely in a people driven industry?

·         How hard could it be for someone whose previous expertise included the organising of two Charity Balls for the insurance industry?

·         How hard could it be for a mother who had arranged her eldest daughter’s wedding with one hundred and fifty guests, at home, five days after she home delivered her 11lb fifth child?

·          How hard could it be for the one woman debt fighting machine who has endured an armed police response on her drive and claw hammer threatening tradesmen on her door step?

In short it is nigh on impossible.

·         Who would have thought some would do too little and some far too much.

·         Who would have thought some would find a way always to agree while others always object.

·         Who would have thought some would insist it’s always been one way when others insist it’s never stopped being the other.

And who would have thought at a previous summer ball, my predecessor would hit someone when they called her a “fat slag”!

Here’s hoping whatever my struggles are over this year’s Summer Ball,  That which I am calling “gaining experience” avoids being re-branded as "making a big mistake”.  Armed with my plan to court goodwill with good manners to secure a compromise, I am hoping adopting these principals I will not only deliver an enjoyable event but will avoid the need for anyone to throw the first punch!

Try, try and try again

Abraham Lincoln said, "Whatever you are, make sure you are a good one" and in an effort to step up to the wearing of my somewhat dusty housewifely hat, I made a light lunch for my husband and I to enjoy without our children. During the course of this interlude of domestic bliss my husband looked up from his lunch and, observing my watering eyes, enquired if I had had an allergic reaction to something.

I explained that I had been choking.

However, despite sitting inches away from me across our table, he had been so lost in thought he completey missed my distress and there was a look of incredulous surprise across his face as it dawned on him he had, despite his proximaty, no recollection of what had happened to me.
Basking in the security of the past weeks "warmer glow", I decided, with some misgivings, to use the opportunity to tell him this "moment of absence" was not an isolated incident.

I was totally unprepared for what followed.

Whereas I saw my kindly and carefully voiced disclosure as a way of opening a dialogue from which we might find our way back, my husband saw it as an accusation which required defending.  No amount of explaining  the frequency of these "absent episodes" was not a judgement but merely an observation, would deter him from his argument.  Despite the fact he had acquired, for himself, proof they were a reality, he could not accept his opinion on their frequency was simply invalid.  I thought our objective should be not to query their existence, but to lovingly discuss how best for us both to live with them.

Overwhelmingly tired of the life I could see stetching ahead for me yet desperate to ensure my children do not grow up without a father, I visualised the coming years with a husband constantly in denial of all circumstances and all attributes which displeased him. I was destined be struggling silently to provide family stabilty at the cost of any personal expectations of happiness and retired to bed early with a very heavy heart.

Waking early, I crept out of bed to make a start on my plans for a future without him, only to notice his clothes on the floor discarded from the night before.  They lay carefully and childishly folded in a pile which was too small for their volume and I knew this unsolicited task had been undertaken in an effort to seek my approval.  With my resolve still intact, I made my way to the bedroom door imagining it to be the portal between me and the rest of my life.  My husband stirred with the noise of  my opening the latch the and it was then I heard his muffled words,

"Come back to bed so I can make you a cup of tea".

"Alright then", was my well practised reply,"if you are sure you don't mind"

Whatever I am, be it lover of my family, lover of my husband or just a lover of tea,  I have always endeavoured, like Abraham Lincoln suggests "to be a good one".  I have tried to do the right thing and in this instance I am sure of one thing and one thing only, I am definitely good at trying again and again and again.

Awakenings

I remember reading somewhere there are no limits to an individual’s fascination for themselves and with this in mind I find myself wondering if it is a self-obsession which drives me to continue to blog about my life. Having given this concept some consideration, I have come to the conclusion my motivation has less to do with me than it has to do with my determination to piece my family's life back together. In the last week two things have happened which have made me feel I might, at last, be making some headway in this respect.

The first was a conversation with Ian Fraser whose supportive words gave me a very welcome sign  my rantings on the subject of the Bank of Scotland have been heard. It was an encouraging indication I might have finally acquired a voice and it offered me hope of eventually being more than a mere whisper to a hand full of much valued friends.

The other major development was my husband not only mustered a smiled in my direction but also initiated several conversations with me which were not about the weather. Any attempt at meaningful conversation on his part recently is a huge breakthrough in what has amounted to a debt related marital silence which has lasted for more than two and a half years. I am not sure what has instigated this subtle move from cool to slightly warm but I know he was asked a question by my twelve year old daughter which might have been the catalyst.

She simply wanted know if he loves me and it is my suspicion it may well be this very question, asked in childish innocence which has promoted a shift in his overall disposition. This, along with his awareness now, unlike any other time during our seventeen year marriage, I am either tapping away on my computer or engaged in a variety of activities which are totally independent of him. Perhaps these small changes in me have at last awakened a realisation some interactive effort is required on both sides if he wishes to remain a presence in my life. Who knows what has prompted this change in my husband but whatever the motivation, a little bit of long awaited warmth has been a pleasing occurrence.

So, with these two developments firmly in mind I continue to be hopeful my perceptions are real and not instead illusions which all too often collide with reality only to be dashed to pieces again along with my expectations.

Never-ending stories

Now I have actually started looking, I have come across many reported stories of the unscrupulous dealings of banking institutions. However it is clear, the Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB take the biscuit every time. I can say this with conviction because I have personally fallen foul of their penchant for persecuting the poor. We are now completely penniless as a direct consequence of their irresponsible lending spree together with a "come what may" attitude to their administrative obligations.

When, in October 2008, I discovered my unenviable financial position it did not occur to me to look for legislation and court rulings made in favour of women in similar circumstances. At the time my life was in tatters and so was I. More recently, I have had both the time and the inclination to explore these avenues and in so doing have unearthed barrister Richard Colbey's article in the Telegraph in 2001.

Mr Colbey talks of a House of Lords ruling which has given the wives of businessmen a right to their share of the equity in their homes. This has come about because it is recognises spouses are in danger of being coerced, by their partners and their mortgage lenders, into agreeing to family homes being taken as security to raise funds for their husband's businesses. Richard Colbey says the courts are to follow the House of Lords' ruling putting the onus on the lender to make sure a husband and wife take separate independent legal advice when taking out, or increasing, a mortgage on a family's main residence if funds are to be raised for non residential purposes. This precaution ensures neither borrower unknowingly finds themselves in a position where they could lose their home in an attempt to support a spouse's business. Richard Colbey says, "In future, lenders who hope to be able to rely on mortgage deeds signed by a wife will have to prove she was seen by a solicitor who was not acting for the bank or her husband before they can repossess the whole property."

There are two areas of concern which apply to me;

Firstly, at the time of signing our mortgage document, I was not advised by the Bank of Scotland to seek any legal advice independently and separately from my husband and the mortgage company. This does not surprise me in the slightest as this nonchalant view the Bank of Scotland have of co-signing spouses has been evident throughout my dealings with them. When, unbeknown to me, the arrears on our mortgage started to build up, the Bank of Scotland made no attempt to contact me personally. This neglect directly resulted in the loss of our family home because the Bank of Scotland denied me an opportunity, at the start of any problems, to rectify the situation.

In addition, the Bank of Scotland unashamedly excluded me from all debt counselling conversations they had with my husband through our difficulties. They even levied a charge of £100 for a final debt counselling consultation which my husband was supposed to have had when neither of us was even in the country. The Bank of Scotland says they based their decision to repossess our lovingly restored sixteenth century home of ten years on the findings of this consultation. On enquiring why I was not included in any discussions at any stage, the Bank of Scotland said, "it was not their responsibility to make sure husband and wife communicate" and in the case of a married couple, they believe speaking to one person is enough. They stated in most cases where there are arrears, it is unusual for either borrower to want to speak to their lender in the first place and because of this statistic they had no reason to believe I would be any different. I was, and still am, outraged at this laissez faire attitude to joint and severally liable spouses on Bank of Scotland mortgages.

Secondly;

If this House of Lord's ruling was in place and being reported in 2001 why was I rail-roaded by the Bank of Scotland and the courts in November 2008 into thinking I had no grounds on which to halt the repossession process? I was in touch with the Bank of Scotland several times a week from 2 October 2008 trying to explain my predicament in an attempt to explore all the options. However, the Bank of Scotland insisted, other than making full monthly interest payments immediately, as well as offering a substantial monthly sum via a payment arrangement towards paying off the arrears, I had no alternative other than agree to sell at a forced sale value unless I wished be repossessed. As my husband had not found employment at that stage, I agreed to sign their power of sale terms. The Bank of Scotland insisted the court case go ahead and, in November 2008, the judge ruled in support of the Bank of Scotland's application for a repossession order. If I did not remain in agreement to the forced sale of my home, the order was to come into effect on 5 January 2009 and give the Bank of Scotland the power to proceed with a repossession. The Bank of Scotland valued our home for mortgage purposes in May 2006 at £925,000 and it was sold, under duress, for £245,000 less in April 2009 for a mere £665,000 creating a £217,000 shortfall.

I can see now my sorry tale is just another example of the compassionless lending policies employed by the Bank of Scotland. It can be added to the ever increasing list of the Bank of Scotland's unashamed and callous attitude towards their customers, their investors and their shareholders. Along with the Reading scandal which is reported in depth in BBC reporter and journalist Ian Fraser's article, it is yet another example of a directive which has been rolled out by HBOS executives to push high risk lending out to small businesses regardless of the cost to the families of those concerned.

When the Bank of Scotland's commercial risk backfired, unlike the many other lenders I have had dealings with, they have happily laid the blame at somebody else's door expecting the individual concerned, the tax payer, the investor and no doubt anyone else they can think of to pay the price.
As well as a catalogue of offences in Ian Fraser's report HBOS the Worst Bank in the World, the Bank of Scotland's attitude to selling money in this irresponsible manner has legitimised a greed for the massive introductory fees that go hand in hand with the marketing of high risk lending. The fees which were generated from placing our mortgage with the Bank of Scotland in May 2006 were £3,931.25 to the introducer plus an additional £699.00 which the Bank of Scotland awarded themselves. These figures do not include any commissions earned by selling supporting life assurance and repayment vehicles both of which can add thousands to the introducer's financial remuneration.

Sadly, I continue to be advised although I probably do have a case against the Bank of Scotland, it will cost £40,000 to bring it to court. No doubt the knowledge of the dire financial circumstances  many of their victims now face, allows the Bank of Scotland to continue with their persecution of the poor, safe in the knowledge as individuals we will not have the means with which to make them answerable for their dirty dealings whether they be in Reading, or in the sleepy back water I once used to call home.

Hogwash and other things

Late one wintry evening whilst silently racking my brain and the internet, for answers to our untenable position, I typed "HBOS complaints" into my google search engine. After the initial surprise, relief, shock and horror at what I found, my blood  began to boil. Because I had been completely consumed by the impact the financial crisis was having on my families life, the fraudulent dealings of HBOS had totally pass me by. 

For two and a half painful years not only I had remained unaware I was not alone in my suffering but I was also oblivious to the fact the Bank of Scotland were the subject of the majority of mortgage complaints made to the Financial Ombudsman Service. I was astounded to find 40% of these mortgage complaints were found in the complainant's favour. Not only was it a relief to know I shared my desire to expose the Bank of Scotland's skulduggery with other victims but I also discovered there were a bloggers, such as Stop HBOS, and the BBC broadcaster and reporter Ian Fraser who were also revealing a catalogue of scandalous dealings within this too big to fail bully boy bank. I am now following  both in an effort to keep abreast of any new developments.

However as a result of further internet searches, I have been further shocked by the report that the Bank of Scotland moves to restructure buy-to-let debt - The Irish Times - Thu, Feb 10, 2011.  It appears the Bank of Scotland, in exceptional circumstances, is to offer some buy to let investors who have fallen into deep negative equity an opportunity to sell at less than the value of their mortgages without come back.  The Bank of Scotland says that they will not be burdening these people with any shortfall obligation.

It goes without saying I am truly happy a solution has been arrived at for those in Ireland who are experiencing mortgage distress and shortfalls but because of HBOS' blatant double standards, I find it nothing short of outrageous that those of who are suffering in the same way in the UK are not enjoying similar treatment. Instead of forgiveness we have been forgotten and this is simply unjust.

Surely the Bank of Scotland's UK residential customers are equally deserving of an opportunity to move on with their lives. Yet, instead they have chosen the buy to let sector to bestow their compassion and are romancing the Irish press with statements which show them in the warm compassionate light of benevolent benefactors.  "Exceptional circumstances" should apply to people in my position. People with three small children who have had their homes, their livelihoods, their health and their hope of ever having a debt free or (even debt manageable)   financial future.  What about our struggle with a £1,000,000 unsecured debt, ill health, bereavement and my husband's suicide plans?

The article states they cannot get "blood from a stone" yet this is precisely what they have been trying to get from us via their Merrils Ede appointed henchwoman. Merrils Ede state on their website that they treat debt collection as if it is their own money and make no differentiation between "can't pay" and "won't pay".  It is for two and half years I have woken every morning wondering if my husband is to recover from his beating at the hands of the Bank of Scotland. I repeatedly rack my brains as to how I can put a stop to the Bank of Scotland's ongoing persecution of my family.  Beside myself with anger and frustration to find their callousness is set to continue because they can only empathise with Irish clientele with second homes and investment properties.

It is now abundantly clear to me all I and the CAB have ever received from the Bank of Scotland in reply to our frequent and lengthy letters explaining my family’s desperate plight, is complete and utter hogwash. 

The Bank of Scotland has  definitely not heard the last of this!

                              

                         

Enough is a feast

Although life has moved on since the "grand opening" my experiences at the hands of creditors throughout my most difficult months continue to visit me when I meet the people who were in my life at the time. These moments of recall have provided me with a sizable store of character assessments which leap into view as soon as a name or face comes to mind.

Over the extended bank holiday weekend we received a number of invitations which, this year, I have felt able to accept. and it has resulted in rubbing shoulders with many friends and neighbours from our more affluent past. While chatting with them I found myself thinking of their reactions at the height of our financial crisis and I realise many of them have undeservedly not had a mention. So here goes.

• A friend from the financial service industry, in spite of being overwhelmed with serious health issues himself spent numerous hours listening to me while he and I poured over my action plan for the reassembly of my family's life. When I repeatedly broke down distraught, he paused to give me a hug and once I had regained my composure, pressed on. It was on this day and from his and his wife's peaceful home I made my most difficult phone calls. It enabled me to cry and be comforted each time I put down the telephone. His wife gave me jumpers to wear as I shivered from the cold brought on from shock and made lots of hot comforting tea. Later she encouraged me to ride out with her on their horses to give me respite from the onslaught of our creditors for the sake of my sanity. I cannot begin to explain how much their rock like support helped me in those early days and while we had a simple supper at their house last night and I was warmed by these memories.

• A single working mother of three, with a great deal of sadness in her own heart at the time, regularly opened her doors at unearthly hours of the day and night to me. I was distraught with the size of the financial problems I was discovering on a daily basis and needed sanctuary the seemingly unrepentant and uncaring attitude of my husband. It was her faith in God and her passionate belief the family unit is paramount which helped me stick with my marriage at a time when I felt compelled to throw in the towel in disgust. As I watched all our children have water fights in her garden over an al fresco lunch I remembered the hours of compassion she showed me in my hour of need.
• A couple in a neighbouring village who realised Christmas 2008 was likely to be very bleak for our children, sorted out their children's unwanted toys and put together a few things that I could wrap and present on Christmas morning. This act of kindness made it possible for our lack of funds, at an expensive time of year, go unnoticed by our three children on Christmas day. This same couple two weeks later lent us their car and their horse box to move house and supplied us with furniture to make it possible for us to have our first lodger. As I sat amongst their closest friends this weekend while enjoying a barbecue at their house, I remembered how pivotal they were in getting us back on our feet again in those early days.

Not everyone in our lives behaved so caringly and a glimpse of these other people can transport me to much less savoury recollections.

• A friend with whom I had spent a great deal of time supporting during a period in which she was suffering a stress related to a bullying incident at work made a comment which left me both speechless and hurt. In spite of knowing full well  we had lost our home only days before, she said she was very angry she had been forced to forgo her holiday because it had taken me six months to pay £700.00 we owed her husband for work done in our property business. He comments      left me reeling, emotionally exposed and let down. I had no idea she wasn't sympathetic to my plight or appreciate the efforts to which I had gone to ensure she and her husband were not amongst the £1,000,000 creditors who have remain unpaid.
• Someone I formally regarded as one of my closest friends refused a dinner invitation because unbeknown to me, my husband had previously owed her £250.00 for over a year. Although I immediately paid her from the little money I had at the time, she has never spoken to me since. I wept for many weeks as I felt bereft of the close friendship I thought we had enjoyed for ten years.
• A long standing friend became embarrassed by my frankness about our financial position but quickly switched to being incensed by the fact I was offered bursaries for my three children's independent education. She too has declined my many invitations to socialise. I was deeply saddened this twenty year friendship did not withstand our financial demise.

Believing the old adage that, "books like friends should be few but good" I have thankfully let go of these images of rejection. I am happy and content to bask in the love of the resilient people who have helped us through thick and thin in the knowledge these caring souls will always qualify as friends. Because of these experiences I am wholeheartedly able to confirm, in my case, enough is definitely as good as a feast.

Eating elephants

Anne Elliot in Jane Austen's Persuasion says women, more than men, feel the pain of tragedy for longer. I can only concur, as in my case, this appears to be only too  true. Where my husband has put the agony of our financial failure behind him, I am still, on occasion, haunted by the horrors of our demise along with the painful, frightening experiences which went with it. The memory of the vicious verbal attacks I received, together with the shame and discomfort I felt in our disgrace, can still make my stomach churn nearly three years later.

Never before have I ever had to explain to anyone, although substantial funds were owed to them, there was nothing in the pot with which to pay them. I saw this unpalatable disclosure as an act of "reneging" on our part and it was totally alien to me. I have always previously paid my way in full and I was tormented by the impact our downfall might have on other people’s lives. It was a phone call to an insolvency practitioner which helped me order my feelings about our circumstances. He did this by asking one simple question.

"Who took the commercial risk?"

This uncomplicated approached produced a healthy shift in attitude which enabled my almost instant recovery from a paralysis, self loathing and guilt which until this point enveloped me. Amidst the panic and chaos of discovering we were not only penniless but £1,000,000 in the red, I could finally see it certainly wasn't me who had taken a commercial risk and bizarrely enough it wasn't really my husband either. Applying this simple principal to each debt enabled me to start thinking rather than reacting. I immediately calculated, out of all the people we owed, who had and who had not taken a commercial risk. When it came to it, almost all our creditors had, while in full possession of all their faculties, entered a business arrangement with my husband which had not worked out. Unfortunate it may well have been, but nevertheless the decision to extend a line of credit to my husband was taken by business people who knew full well "you cannot win them all".

So if I, a fifty three year old house wife and mother of five, while suffering from shock and a debilitating grief has managed to grasp this basic principal, why are the business savvy high fliers at LLoyds TSB and the Bank of Scotland struggling to get a grip on the details of our situation and the futility of their pursuit?

I have recently discover the answer to this question in is BBC broadcaster and journalist Ian Fraser's report of February 2010. He explains why Halifax Bank of Scotland is the worst bank in the world and relays "it's calamitous seven year history". Not only were their executives "dangerously out of control and probably fraudulent" in their single minded high risk pursuit of short-term profits, but their initiatives held no regard for the long term cost to their share holders nor did they consider how their lending decisions would harm their customers. The executive directive appears to have been to achieve short-term profits regardless of the consequences. With this course set, Halifax Bank of Scotland's reckless and irresponsible behaviour was ultimately aided and abetted by the decision of the FSA to turn a blind eye to the banks blatant wrong doings. This created a toxic recipe was not only the undoing of many individuals but provides the back drop to my ongoing attempts to communicate my resulting financial distress to HBOS who, instead of showing understanding, have now become out tormentors.
More recently the Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB's have both adopted a pious public disposition to what they now choose to view as "other people's indulgences". It has made them impossible to reason with them over a £217,000 shortfall which they refuse to admit their own actions created. Unlike me and the our other creditors (totalling £600,000) all of whom have accepted we are without the means with which to repay them, these too big to fail banking institutions seem unable to comprehend they are merely dealing with a misjudged commercial risk from which they must move on. However I know this holier than though attitude is merely an elephant in the HBOS room which, if I am to enjoy any hope of a debt free future with my family, must be consumed. Thankfully I have it on the very best authority this task is a perfectly feasible one if I am prepared to approach it with one bite at a time.

With the help of some much valued prompting from friends and sympathetic bankers who have already written off our debts, I can see it is most definitely time to invite the media to the table. Here's hoping Ian Fraser, Jeremy Paxman, Jeremy Vine and anyone else who is prepared to listen have a penchant for a banquet of HBOS elephant.