More reasons to be cheerful

Margaret Thatcher once said, “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”  Hoping there is rationale to this argument, I put aside the financial ombudsman’s adjudicator’s judgemental and derogatory comments in an effort to relax with my children over half term. Distancing myself from the onslaught in this way has enabled me to reflect on my campaign to rebuild my family’s life and there is a lot for which I am most grateful.

In October 2008 my world fell apart when I discovered my husband had borrowed well beyond our means in a desperate bid to complete a building project before the property market went into recession. Our troubles were compounded by the news our business bank, Heritable, was in administration leaving us in an untenable position on every front.

However,

In December 2011 Heritable Bank formally released my husband and I from a shortfall obligation of £210,000 and in so doing presented me with a beautifully packaged Christmas gift of unbridled relief. I remain eternally grateful to those within Heritable Bank who chose to use empathy and compassion when considering the solution to our predicament.

In October 2008 when I realised there was also £446,000 of credit card debt and no means with which to repay it, I was distraught to be party to this insurmountable sum and imagined it would be with us forever.

However,

Today, £40,000 is all that remains as the balance has either been written off or deemed not persuable by our creditors. Those who elected debt forgiveness as a way forward for us offered it with words of good will for both our family and our future. I remain truly grateful for their pragmatic approach to our financial problems.

In October 2008 I was horrified to find our family home was the subject of a possession order and further panicked to discover without financial references it was impossible to secure a tenancy on a rented house through the normal channels. Fearing for my children’s future and desperate to remain in a familiar location amongst friends and family I tried everything I could think of but without success.

However,

In December 2008, I received a phone call from a gentleman who, having originally declined my request for accommodation, wished to reconsider our application on the basis of a character reference instead of a financial one. In January 2009 we moved into a homely farmhouse where we have remained ever since.  By finding an innovative solution to our housing needs our landlords provided us with sanctuary when others wouldn’t. For this ongoing act of kindness I am truly appreciative.

In October 2008, finding ourselves bereft of both income and assets we were not only unable to pay the school fees but were already a term behind. Believing my children would never again enjoy a private education I contacted the school to advise them of our position with the heaviest of hearts.

However,

Instead of being shown the door, not only was my eldest son awarded a full bursary but I was also given advice on how to secure two further awards for my younger children. In Feb 2012 thanks to the guidance of the Headmaster’s and their respective bursars I am proud to say my daughter has now received an academic award for an independent secondary school and my youngest son has been earmarked for a sports scholarship. I am indebted to the people who guided me through this emotive process with my children’s best interests in their hearts and a genuine understanding for our difficulties.

And,

On lodging my HBOS complaint with the Financial Ombudsman’s Services in April 2010 I mistakenly believed help would be on hand to communicate effectively with my persecutors and sheild me from further episodes of personal attack. Although FOS intervention quickly resulted in the removal of HBOS’s Merrils Ede henchmen from my case, more recent letters from my adjudicator have revealed an impatient disinterest combined with a sizeable ration of personal distaste. Attitude of this nature, from a financial regulator appointed to my case, left me feeling both despondent and completely disarmed.

However,

Following my complaint to the FOS’s Chief Executive, I was contacted by their complaints department who not only expressed remorse at the way in which I had been dealt with by their adjudicator but also revealed HBOS had been unresponsive to the FOS’s requests concerning my case and in so doing may well forgoe the opportunity to have their say. Futhermore my complaint is to be fast-tracked to avoid current case lead times of fourteen months and in addition I am also permitted to include my recent findings on the subject of HBOS’s over-valuation of my home. Being treated with respect and understanding over the pain-staking and painful process of bringing HBOS to account has not only lifted my spirits but given me the invaluable gift of a hope and for this I am immeasurably grateful.

William Arthur Ward, author, pastor and teacher believed we should all, “do more than belong, participate; do more than care, help; do more than believe, practice; do more than forgive, forget; do more than dream, work” and it is clear, from my half term reflections, with the exception of HBOS and my ombudsman's ajudicator, most people who have touched my life during these difficult years have chosen to live and work by a similar code to that endorsed by William Ward. It is to these  people I wish to extend my whole hearted thanks.

The Pursuit of Happiness

According to government research, the recipe for human happiness has three ingredients, “meaning, mastery and autonomy” and as I take a moment to evaluate my position and make plans for the coming week, I realise how fortunate I have been to have had the perfect blend of all three attributes throughout the summer months. This period of respite has been largely due to the fact the Financial Ombudsman’s Service has been investigating my case against HBOS throughout July and August leaving me a very welcome period of thumb twiddling on the debt fighting front.  

Now that autumnal high winds have replaced gentle summer breezes and a week of the school term is already under our belts, I am aware the time has come to pick up the proverbial baton once again.  Hoping, in the words of  Rich Dad, Poor Dad author, Robert Kiyosaki, “the size of my success is measured only by the strength of my desire; the size of my dream; and the way in which I handle disappointment along the way”, I have endeavoured to,

·        Restore order to the homely chaos that goes hand in hand with having three children, and frequently several grandchildren, at home over the school holidays.

·        Kick start the Friends of the school’s schedule for the coming year by ensuring I can answer a whole plethora of questions my fellow committee members do not yet know they wish to ask.

·        Encourage a sense of urgency in my teenage son for the completion of his university application form, personal statement and campus visits.

·        Embark on all manner of lodger related cleaning and furniture moving in anticipation of the arrival of a new tenant.

·        Mount an attack, with the help of my invaluable friend Chris, on the pile of debt and Ombudsman related paperwork which has been waiting for some child free time to induce clarity of mind

And

·        Research scholarships and bursaries for September 2012 in an effort to secure my daughter’s education in an independent senior school.

Although each and every task carries a unique demand on my ever expanding need for expertise, the hurdle of my daughter’s ongoing schooling has consumed me with an over whelming sense of trepidation not least because, in the case of  bursary assistance, the all important autonomy is most definitely the province of the bursary provider.  In order to explore the chances of securing funding, not only will I have to suffer the indignity of repeatedly disclosing the gory details of my current financial position and aggravate old wounds which are still struggling to heal, but in addition to laying myself bare, I must then listen attentively to the answers I will receive.  Sadly, experience dictates, not everyone wishes they could help.

Over the past three years I have been told by people working within the independent sector,

·        Embarking on the education of my children in a fee paying school, without having secured funding for its completion may well result in them being irreversibly damaged psychologically should they have to leave and enter the state sector before their education is complete.

·        Allowing my children to mix with the those of superior affluence during their school years could cripple their self-esteem for life.

·        Procuring bursaries for the independent education of my children when my husband is unable to repay his business debts is not a lifestyle choice  that endears bursary support.

·        Accepting an independent school place with financial assistance yet without the means with which to fund extracurricular lessons and extracurricular school trips will leave my children feeling ostracised and second rate citizens throughout their educational years.

·        Keeping my children in their prep school increases the risk of the devastating effects of  bullying if they return to the state sector should I be unsuccessful in securing an ongoing bursary funded place for secondary education.

Needless to say these comments all came from schools declining bursary assistance for my daughter because they made a personal judgement about our indebtedness. Thankfully, however, there are also individuals working within the independent sector who, on hearing my sorry tale, appear to have thought, “There, but for the grace of God go I” and it is from these people I have heard the following words of kindness,

·        Bursary and scholarship places are a fundamental part of the Independent Educational Sector and not only do they facilitate the charitable status of these schools but they provide a valuable opportunity to offer education to a broad socioeconomic group.  Bursaries are designed to aid people in your circumstances and it delights us to be able to help.

·        Your daughter will greatly benefit from what we have to offer and would undoubtedly be a credit to our school.  For these reasons we look forward to having an opportunity to help.

·        We are in the fortunate position of being able to offer charitable funding to assist people suffering financial hardship and are very sorry to hear about your difficulties. We are happy to help and hope your financial position improves very soon.

Hoping, this time, when I embark on my bursary quest the size of my success will be measured only by,

·         the strength of my desire to find independent education for my daughter,

·         the size of my dream and not the size of my purse

and

·        the way in which I have handled disappointment and social prejudice along the way,

I made the decision to approach my daughter’s current prep school Head with my dilemma.

To my great relief, not only has he suggested which school I should consider for her but he has also assured me that his personal introduction, extolling the virtues of my daughter’s caring disposition, integrity and scholarly application in all her endeavours, will make her a very attractive and bursary worthy prospective student. His selfless commitment to support me in this matter has instantly restored the autonomy I lacked in the pursuit of my daughter’s educational happiness while providing me with a welcome opportunity to preserve my dignity from further extremely uncomfortable and degrading assaults.

 For this simple act of kindness and gift of human happiness I am truly grateful.

Ernest Hemingway once said, “ In order to write about life, first you must live it,” while William Wordsworth  insists one should “fill the page with the breathing’s of your heart.”  Ever hopeful that I may have succeeded in achieving both I can only conclude that for me finding a bursary for my daughter and writing my blog have proved to have much in common.  The words of newspaper columnist Walter Wesley “Red” Smith describe the process perfectly.

 “Writing is easy. You simple sit down at your type writer, open a vein and bleed.”

Childish things

Today my husband said there is nothing better than watching things grow in our garden and holding me in his arms. However, in truth there is in another love he holds even dearer and thankfully it is a love we both unreservedly share. 

The love for our children.

An all consuming determination to keep my family together throughout the trials and tribulations of our financial circumstances has been driven by the belief that it is what is best for my children and the sense of responsibility I feel for them has provided me with the resolve to continue battling with the Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB for an unencumbered future for us all.

Thankfully no longer racked with grief for the life we had it did not take to feel the impact of our circumstances. Life without money is a life with less choice but equally I have a great deal to be thankful of. For example, I remain indebted to our landlords for the compassion and understanding they showed when they offered us our tenancy without references, reduced the rent to something we could afford and allowed us to take a lodger to make ends meet.   However, this benevolence comes at a price.  Inadequate heating, leaky windows and pipes go unchecked and without money I have no choice but to stay put.

A similar situation exists when it comes to my children’s prep school.  I am truly grateful to the Headmaster for the bursaries we now have for our children but if there are any issues, I know I will be paralysed out of gratitude for his generosity.  

My nine year old son is a loving child with an inquiring mind, an open smile and a kind, polite disposition. He is rarely naughty and is generally very keen to please. He has grown up in the shadow of two older siblings both of which are exceptionally able academically while sadly my youngest son is dyslexic and often really struggles in the classroom. To my great relief the staff at his independent school have been working very hard on building his confidence by using every opportunity to praise both his creative abilities and his sporting prowess and because of this after years of limited confidence, he is now beginning to show signs of some self belief. 

However, yesterday this was far from the case.

Distraught at being told by his teacher she was ashamed of him for not producing the standard of work she anticipated, I find my son, once again, convinced he is the most "stupidest person in our family". While I, impoverished and powerless thanks to a financial position HBOS have done their best to compound, I remain hindered from coming to my son's defense out of gratitude for his private education without charge. 

Money is most definitely not everything, it does buy choice and I have discovered to my extreme frustration, accepting the benevolence of others can uncomfortable impair the voice.

Today, my heart bleeds for my son.