Monday, 4 April 2011

Me, myself and I

Having read through my postings again today, I think I may have given the impression I have been left by my husband to handle this mess on my own. It is most definitely not the case. Despite being advised we needed to sort our financial problems out together, I was unable to entertain this idea because I was devastated by the foolhardy and irresponsible actions of my husband and no longer trusted him to assist in rectifying anything.
I took the matter on myself and in so doing incensed my husband when I began the task of contacting all the people he owed to explain our position. He saw it as slagging him off and ruining our chances of recovery. I saw it as damage limitation.
Early on in my voyage of discovery I often wondered if I was doing the right thing. I was grappling with his mountain of unruly papers in an effort to acquire an understanding of all the things he had called business projects and single handedly making all the decisions with the help of impartial professionals. It would have been so much easier just to ask him some things but as I could not bring myself to trust the answers, I decided there was no point. My motto became "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." 
The last straw came on the day he insisted I was destroying our last chance of recovery by not using the only remaining money we had to our name to do two things. He wished me to summit a planning application for the shell of a property he had built without planning permission, as well as pay for an Indian "friend" of his to fly out to his homeland to secure my husband an "amazing job". I refused to do both and instaed used the money to live on and move house when we had nothing.
I am pleased I resisted these instructions because, even with the full weight of our very supportive business bank behind us planning permission was never forthcoming despite the £120,000 which was spent on building the shell. In addition I later discovered  the Indian "friend "was a con man whom I eventually had to ask the police and my solicitor to deal with.
It was and still is a very lonely way to exist but I am convinced I need to go this alone if I am to effect a recovery of any kind. I, after all, have been to the school of "if you think it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" and my husband has not.
Because, in my dealings with our creditors, I have refused to hide behind my husband’s belief his actions have not been pivotal to our financial demise, I have had no alternative but  to close ranks and get on with the matter in hand without him. He has had any number of reasons for why it was the business his business failed and not him. These are some of them.

  • The planners were misleading in their guidance whenever he approached them so  they always delayed things far more than he anticipated.
  • The banks were unsupportive and never allowed him enough money to do a good job.
  • He was always underfunded because of the banks and unforeseen circumstances.
  • The right builders were never available when he needed them.
  • He was always under pressure from me to deliver to a schedule and building work isn't like that.
·                        He  was forced to satisfy my ever increasing financial demands.
  • He thought my permanent health cover would have paid out for longer than the two years it did.
·                         Our solicitors were always slow in the selling of our properties.
·                         Alternative solicitors did not know how to do the conveyancing properly              and caused more delays and more financial losses.
·                         He had brain damage from his car accident in 2002 and people (especially     me) should have been making allowances.
·                        His workers wouldn't work fast enough and kept making mistakes.
  • He worked very hard for years and was undeserving of so much bad luck.
  • I had never taken any interest in anything to do with the business.
  • His tradesmen were disloyal and unhelpful.
  • He had too many family and child related tasks to do.
 I continue to struggle with the need for all these excuses because I think life is full of difficulties for everyone and not just my husband. Having always believed it is how the individual chooses to overcome them that defines their success or failure, I have sadly learned the hard way, the most dangerous characteristic in any businessman is an over estimation of his own abilities.

For these reasons it’s now down to me, myself and I and of course my good friend Chris...... but there lies another story!

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