Lemmings and lethargy

George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem with communication is the assumption that it takes place” and I have to admit that the last few days have proved successful communication is most definitely the exception rather than the rule.

This week I have endeavoured to,

·        Acquire M&S vouchers I have been allocated as part of a marketing promotion only to be told I have already received them

·        Repair my car via my insurance following a “no fault accident” after two months of waiting only to be repeatedly told I have still have to pay the excess

·        Secure a bursary figure from my daughter’s prospective senior school only to be told, for reasons they were not at liberty to disclose, they are unable to provide one at present  

·        Persuade my sixteen year old son to secure me an appointment with his Maths “re-sit” teacher on parents evening to be told by him that re-sit students do not have tuition or teachers

·        Explain to the Financial Ombudsman’s adjudicator that they must have received my reply concerning my HBOS complaint because they have not only acknowledged its receipt by letter but have also signed for it on its delivery by registered post

Knowing full well that, “If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way”, I have since discovered;  

·        M & S voucher distributors would prefer to accuse me of theft than admit they have not done their job

·        Motor insurance claim departments have absolutely no sense of urgency and must now join the ranks of my ever increasing list of letters of complaint

·        Acquiring background information as to how, why and to whom bursaries for education are awarded from a neighbouring and competing independent school, has encouraged my daughter’s prospective school to revisit their decision to with hold the original level of bursary they were prepared to make available for my daughter's education

·        Emailing my son’s sixth form tutor not only reveals a completely different interpretation of the academic commitment required to improve an AS Maths grade at re-sit from that of my son's but it has also highlighted a distinct lack of pro-activeness on his part

·        Putting the FSO’s administrative shortcomings in writing, quoting times and dates of supporting documentary evidence has had my adjudicator hopping around in snooty embarrassment while suggesting my case in referred to her superior rather than make any further fobs off's herself

Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Never ascribe malice to that which can be better described as incompetence” and as I strive daily for a conscious competence that will carry me through my battle with HBOS, combat the disinterest of the Financial Ombudsman Service and help me make the most of our reduced financial circumstances for the sake of my family, I cannot help lament the lack of mindful leadership that has left me dealing with more than my fair share of lemmings this week. While I accept that experience has always proved to be a brutal but effective teacher, I can only hope by learning from yesterday and yet continuing to live for today I will eventually achieve results that will provide hope for our future.

Winning wills

While I appreciate winning is not everything I understand the will to win most definitely is.  Much to my frustration, and largely due to over-commitment on all fronts, I have recently experienced an overwhelming sense that, on occasion, having the will to win can still prove insufficient to gain the advantage in every battle.

Over the past ten days I have,

·        failed to convince my body I do not have an upper respiratory infection resulting in this unwelcome invader knocking me for six

·        failed to convince my landlord to attend to a list of repairs resulting in the prospect of another winter with extortionate heating bills and very little warmth

·        failed to convince the former Treasurer of the Friends to furnish me with much needed banking information resulting in pure guesswork when it came to the allocating of this year’s funds at our meeting

·        failed to work out an economically sound method for my teenage son to travel, via public transport, to an open day at University College London resulting in a seven hour road trip by car

·        failed to convince the Financial Ombudsman to view HBOS’s actions as both negligent and pivotal to the resulting mortgage shortfall I am now saddled with.

However, knowing success is not wholly dependant on drive and persistence while fatigue can make cowards of us all I sent for reinforcements when it came to the assembly of my team for the school quiz.

Carefully selecting friends who have been supportive and uplifting during the darkest hours of my HBOS ordeals, my unassuming band of debt fighting warriors threw aside the trappings of battle to engage in an evening’s intellectual frivolity of fish and chip fuelled entertainment.  Although brows were periodically furrowed in contemplation, we laughed and dined the evening away in untroubled camaraderie and in so doing melted my failures of the preceding days  into insignificance. The by product of this meeting of minds over a school quiz and a few beers was......

We won!

On hearing American baseball player Michael Jordan words,

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

I realise every road to success is littered with failures of the past. However, it has become evident from the success of our quiz team efforts that the individual’s commitment to a group effort is precisely what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work ,

And,

I am also convinced it will eventually be what makes my battle with HBOS work.

In recognition of this invaluable and ongoing solidarity I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge my appreciation of not only my fellow quiz team members, but also every kind and caring individual who has so readily given their time and their expertise over the past three years to ensure I remain on my road to success in spite of my failures.

I extend my heart felt thanks to each and every one of you.

Disgruntled Devils

Against the back drop of David Cameron’s “Let them eat cake guidance,” amidst declarations that the coalition has the bankers under control and while UK individuals are reported to be falling by the financial wayside to the tune of 334 people a day, I have managed to acquire a week of personal hell that has nothing to do with being the victim of a global economic crisis.

In an effort to indentify my adversary it would be,

·        wrong to conclude that I have suffered an overload of Friends work due to three committee meetings, one coffee morning and the horrors of preparing and giving a speech to the parents at Harvest Festival.

·        misguided to believe I have again fallen foul of the locking of marketing committe horns whilst endeavouring to solicit structure to their plans to promote the school

·        inaccurate to assume exhaustion from discussions to;

            over haul the schools corporate identity and website,
            explore the merits of hosting a cultural day of music as a marketing tool,  
            launch my plan for a Bollywood dinner dance for the Friends spring fund raiser.

·        incorrect to surmise I am overwhelmed with the organisational duties of a Friends Quiz night, a Bonfire Celebration or a Christmas Craft Fair supporting local industry all hosted in  my children's school

·        totally without grounds to conclude I am impatient of my sometimes lengthy duties in attendance of my elderly mother’s dental needs, shopping trips or visits to a nursing home to see her friend,

·        mistaken to believe it is correspondence from resurfacing creditors breaking their months of  agreed silence on compassionate grounds only to declare their newly formulate intentions to implement debt recovery immediately.

and

  ·        erroneous to decide it is two letters from the Ombudsman, the first warning of a twelve week delay for my Lloyds complaint that refutes the default status of a ficticious payment arrangement and the second advising me my adjudicator is still on holiday so will be unable to deal with my eight page reply defending my HBOS complaint.

It would, however, be entirely correct to assume my week on hot coals has stemmed from the discovery my super-bright sixteen year old son is predicting a grade C in A level Psychology which may well preclude him from obtaining a place at the university of his choice. Indignant at the lack of his tutor’s foresight and with no inkling of any contrition, he remains in denial that this blemish on his hitherto astonishingly good academic record has been anything to do with him.

Repeatedly amused by John Clarke and Bryan Dawe’s U Tube postings portraying bankers behaving like disgruntled children did not prepare me to for the image of my teenage boy behaving very much like a disgruntled banker. The outcome of this irresponsible attitude, not unlike like the state of the economy, has been anything but a joke!

Determined not to rest on my laurels despite fierce adolensent opposition I have;

negotiated a reprieve by securing him a chance to improve his predicted grade over half term,

declared him unavailable for work at his part time lifeguard job with immediate effect,

curtailed his socialising and imposed an internet/face book curfew until this matter is in hand.

For these acts of educational concern and unsolicited interference I am now viewed, as some would also say of the Wall street protestors, a demonic and overly dramatic hysteric.

Thankfully I can take solace in the knowledge that although heaven is said to have the best weather, hell is reputed to have the best company and if Devil Woman is a disposition I must maintain to expose the banks, avoid compromising my integrity and save my sons future, at least I and the Occupy Wall Street protestors in New York will have some interesting conversations to look forward to as our reward.

Frustrating rewards

During my early days in the financial services industry I remember being told the level at which one is remunerated is, in general, influenced not only by the expertise of the individual concerned but also by the level of frustration  endured throughout their working day.

While patiently awaiting the imminent opening of a retail superstore this morning, I was amused to hear a gentleman behind me say they were ten seconds late in unlocking the doors.  Hearing these pedantic words prompted me to take stock of the ongoing delays my own fruitless efforts have encountered recently and left to me conclude the acquisition of any reward is not without its frustrations,

This week alone I have endeavoured to,

·        Deliver my ten year old son to a paint ball party only to have my car driven into while stationary

·        Go out for coffee with a friend only to have my windscreen shattered from a stone thrown up by a speeding police car

·        Tidy my sixteen year old son’s pit of a bedroom only to injure my back   

·        Wear the only remaining piece of gold jewellery I own only to lose it

And

·        Accept the offer of a garden shed and tumble dryer from my parents who lives two hundred miles away only to find a daily conversation with the courier is getting me nowhere.

Reluctant do anything for fear of seeing more of my well intentioned efforts unravel,  I took a moment to reflect on my frustrations and while doing so remembered that also during this week I have been,

·        Gifted a beautiful set of patio furniture from which I can enjoy the wonderful Indian summer that has come our way,

·        Accepted three invitations to dinner and lunch from friends

·        Received a “new to me” winter coat I couldn’t like more had I chosen and purchased it myself

·        Acquired two shelves of beautifully bound literary classics for my son to aid him in his English Literature degree next year

·        Received a link to a spoof website that lightened my mood immensely

And

·        Received an apologetic phone call from my overworked courier to make arrangements to collect and deliver the long awaited, and to date impossible to acquire, shed.

Knowing all too well success is a road that is always under construction this week’s frustrations have illustrated that if my ship doesn’t come in immediately, it isn’t always necessary to spend every last ounce of energy swimming out to meet it. Sometimes, a tide on the turn together with a fair wind will achieve some satisfying results and leave me, like my adjudicator from the Financial Ombudsman’s Service, with a few days off before returning to minor daily irritations, and her with two weeks holiday ahead of her before she has to address the questions I have posed about HBOS in my eight page letter .

Learning curves

They say that you should learn everything you can from anyone you can because there will always come a time when you need it. Today I couldn’t agree more as I reflect on just how far I have come since first finding out about my husband’s debts all but three years ago.

Having recently returned home from a much needed holiday from my debt fighting duties and chairmanly responsibilties of our recent school Summer Ball, I am now firmly back in harness again on all fronts.

It appears, while I was away, there has been some fallout from the Friends fund raising efforts following our Summer Ball.

·        Our treasurer forgot to pay some of our service providers for the Ball before departing for her holiday abroad

·        The Head’s wife is unhappy that the “thank yous” to all concerned have not been sent out sooner

·        The caterers feel aggrieved that they had to tender for our business  rather than having “cart blanche” to agree their remuneration without commercial comparisons as per previous years.

Whereas once I would have been instantly on the phone to make sure everyone was consoled by me personally and ensured every situation was resolved to the best of my ability regardless of my own energy levels and time constraints, on this occasion I have,

·         Expressed my sympathy to the lady handling the unhappy creditors in the treasure's absence but left her to handle the situation

·         Put an all encompassing “thank you” in the school magazine, without consultation with anyone, to keep the head's wife happy

·         Emailed the caterers to ask them for an appointment in September to discuss next year’s booking in the hope that they redirect their focus to securing future business rather than lamenting their treatment in the past.

In my absence, the postman has also served up a generous helping of debt fighting hassle,

     ·     Merrels Ede have written to explain themselves in a way that is nothing short
          of peculiar

·       Lloyds Bank have demanded I repay their outstanding balance in full and asked again if I wish all future correspondence to be in Braille

·        The Financial Ombudsman has done a complete about turn with regard to my complaint against the Bank of Scotland and written to say she cannot proceed with it unless she has the banks agreement.

Whereas once I would have been quaking in my boots ,head in my hands, defeated by fear and frustration I have,

·       Ignored the Merrils Ede letter in the belief they have only written to me because they feel vulnerable about the numerous complaints I have made to their regulatory authority resulting in very thorough and time consuming investigations of their staff and business practises 

·        Written back to Lloyds TSB in enormous print asking if they would like me to put all future requests for information in Braille in an effort to make it clear to them precisely what I would like from them

·        Told my allocated Financial Ombudsman adjudicator that I disagree with her decision to ask the Bank of Scotland for permission to proceed with my complaint and asked her to explain the thinking that led her to make this unusual propsal

I may not have learned everything there is to learn in the last three tempestuous years but, I have certainly gleaned, in the words of Bertrand Russell, “One of the symptoms of approaching a nervous breakdown is the belief that work is terribly important, and that to take a holiday would bring all kinds all kinds of disaster.” I took eleven days off to recharge debt fighting batteries that had been running at full pelt for almost three years.  I have returned from this welcome break having learnt that, not only will much of what has been going on in my life wait a few days to be resolved but, putting some distance between me and my sometimes overwhelming problems empowers me to take control of the situation more effectively and, in so doing, limit the stressful impact it has on my health.

Learning this lesson has not only rewarded me with a clearer head which hopefully in turn will deliver better results but, after  nearly three years of being completely bald due to stress related alopecia, it appears I am also to be rewarded with almost a full head of hair. At last it is finally showing signs of growing back. For this wonderful development I am truly grateful.

End of terms

My husband never speaks of what he sees, does or feels but only of what he knows. While hovering patiently on the edge of every conversation he listens with intent, void of any expression waiting for a prompt on which to hang his factual download. On finding his mark he pounces with a carefully assembled nugget of information and in an instant, the conversational flow is altered and his audience scrabbles to politely cover the seams.

If asked he would say he is good at social interaction.

I find it both isolating and frustrating that conversing in any other way is alien to him. He continues to treat any question as an effrontery to his integrity leaving me to struggle to understand why how far the airport parking is from the terminal is as an insult simply because he does not know the answer, or why enquiring as to the delivery date of the roaming simcard he has ordered is so contentious.

If asked, he would say that is I who am unable to solicit information without antagonism.

However, it is not his inclination to anger I struggle with most but his frequent and extended periods of silence along with his refusal to engage with any warmth at any time. Last night, at our children’s end of term school concert, was no exception.

The hot and humid summers evening promised to turn the school hall into a sauna but the discomfort that lay ahead did not deter the number of proud parents who decided to attend. Throughout an hour and half of musical recitals I repeatedly turned to my husband to share a smile at the remarkable expertise of the young artists. Not once did he return my glance in acknowledgement let alone reveal a flicker of a smile in return. It is this way I am continually denied the opportunity to share any mutual enjoyment. 

If asked why he behaved in this way he would simply reply that it was not the case and merely my perception.

So, this morning, I sit alone at my kitchen table while my husband occupies another room. My task today is to prepare the papers to wind up our insolvent property development company. Heritable Bank's administrators have now sold all our company assets and thankfully plan to write off our £209,000 company mortgage shortfall. This leaves me at liberty to finally put an end to our company's trading days without creditor objection. While folding the paperwork I consider what is to become of my marriage when my HBOS battle, our last remaining adversary, eventually reaches its conclusion in however many more years to come.

I cannot help but wonder if my husband's retreat into his emotionally impervious shell might have been halted had it not been for the heartless and negligent actions of the HBOS.  Unlike Heritable Banks administrators, HBOS have been unable to show compassion at anytime. Perhaps, my husband's demeanor might have been very different if they had at least allowed us to salvage our home when the economic crisis  turned our property portfolio of 4.5m with equity of £1,200,000 into an overall shortfall of £500,000.

It is during these episodes of loneliness that I begin to doubt my ability to keep my marriage alive and our family together throughout more years of HBOS harassment.  It has become clear to me that if I am unable to save my relationship and our family life, HBOS will have succeeded in taking all that we ever had and all that we had  ever hoped for, and not just our money.

Poor parenting

It is said the number one fear of most people is public speaking. I was surprised to read that even death is second to this. While I don’t fear death or public- speaking, I do and always have feared failure. To fail in my parental duties is the most excruciating of all.

So far this morning my youngest son, who is now ten, has asked me,

·        How does your body know how long to make your toes?

·        How much water do spiders drink?

·        How many memory sticks would it take to fill a brain?

While endeavouring to answer these questions have I been,

·        packing suitcases for five of us

·        preparing a family Sunday lunch

·        answering my emails regarding the imminent school ball

·        organising my lodgers for when we are away

·        trying to write a blog about Equitable Life and the Halifax

Today’s duties have come hot on the tail of a gruellingly long sports day at which I,

·        sold ice-creams for the Friends in the blistering heat,

·        answered any number of questions from fellow committee members and prospective ball goers

·        recruited a new Vice Chairman  for the Friends

·        prepared and served a picnic for my husband, mother, daughters, sons and grandchildren all of whom came to support my youngest two budding athletes

But in spite of all these examples of a one woman debt fighter and housewife extraordinaire’s ability to succeed, today I forgot to go to my youngest son’s special assembly at which he did his first public speaking.

For this unforgivable act of parental neglect, I am full of regret.