Tuesday, 9 August 2011


Having read that the Smurf’s have recently been seen on Wall Street opening the New York stock exchange, I am beginning to wonder if, far from being a new development, Smurf’s have in fact been quietly infiltrating our financial institutions for quite some.  If this is indeed the case, the meaningless correspondence I continue to receive from Lloyds Bank is perfectly understandable when one considers it may well have been written by a large blue fluffy creature with very little between its ears.

Amidst the comings and goings that go hand in hand with children at home for the summer holidays, it appears I am now be subjected to a Lloyds Banking Group “pincer action”. On the one hand Merrils Ede Solicitors are waiting like vigilantes to pounce in the hope that the Financial Ombudsman will throw me to back to these HBOS wolves, while on the other, Lloyds TSB’s credit card and small loans department are bludgeoning me to distraction with their stupidity. The frustration of getting nowhere in both directions at once is nothing short of infuriating and, as ever, threatens me with yet another migraine melt down.

The crux of the matter is this.

I and the CAB have only ever corresponded with Lloyds TSB to ask them to forgive my husband’s credit card debt and personal loan (amounting to approximately £20,000) on the grounds of an inability to pay, combined with compassionate reasons. Lloyds TSB have spent two years ignoring these letters and then, just over twelve months ago, invented a communication in which it was agreed a payment arrangement should be set up. I have no knowledge of making an arrangement with them of any kind and nor haas the CAB so have I repeatedly asked for the documentary evidence on which they have based this assumption.

A multitude of letters later and almost year on, Lloyds continue to fail to supply me with anything. My exhaustive efforts have managed to ascertain nothing more than their repeated confirmation that a payment arrangement has definitely been made. Today’s letter states, yet again, this is their final response and advises me to deal direct with their collection agents in the future. This is, I am told, customary with debts that are in default of a payment arrangement.

Stupidity of this magnitude has led me to believe this level of stupidity can only be the work of ungoverned Smurfs if Smurf history is to be believed.

In 1964 when the first of their adventures were being heard, Smurfs were experiencing a leadership struggle following the disappearance of Papa Smurf. Although two potential leaders were soon indentified the Smurf population quickly became disenchanted when trying to arrange a vote because Smurf’s, as a rule, prefer only to vote for themselves. The community continued to struggled between choosing one candidate who was intent on making empty promises and using demagogical tactics and another who was arrogant and opinionated. Order and productivity ground to a halt while battle broke out between the independent factions. Thankfully, after much discontent and disruption amongst the entire Smurf population, Papa Smurf returned to save the day immediately restoring harmony and industry in the Smurf village once again.

If my suspicions are correct, the reason my requests are being continually ignored is because they are falling on the ears of ungoverned Smurfs within the Lloyds Banking Group. If this is truly the situation, Papa Smurf must return to restore order and productivity amongst these Smurf dissenters as a matter of urgency. I believe his presence is imperative I am to have any hope of procuring some sense out of Lloyds Banking Group and the tax payer is to avoid paying the price of banking lunancy once again .

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