Monday, 30 May 2011

I'm still standing

Recently someone I have never met gave a critique on my writing. On reading this blog she remarked I must be very strong.  Never having thought of myself in these terms, it inspired me to search for a word which described the perception I have of myself. The word resilient was the only one which came to mind.
The Japanese describe resilience as someone “who falls seven times and gets up eight” and without a doubt this resembles the daily routine I have endured for the last two and a half years.  I cannot begin to count the number of times I have been knocked down during this period nor can I recall what mechanism I have employed to get to my feet but thankfully always, within a day or two of all manner of blows, I have been able to find the resources to regain my footing.

This week has been no different. 

On top of the normal madness of running a family with three school age children, arranging a prep school ball for one hundred and fifty people, together with a fair of amount of lodger “patting” and a couple of visits to my eighty four year old mother, I have been asked three enormous questions by our creditors over the last forty eight hours,

·       Heritable bank have asked if I would I like to consider entering into IVA in an effort to thwart the Bank of Scotland’s continued bully boy tactics.

·         Merrils Ede would like to know if I am prepared to be made bankrupt “without further notice” by the Bank of Scotland for not complying with yet more demands relating to making a payment arrangement.

·        The Capital Gains arm of the Inland Revenue would like to know if I am in agreement with the retrospective calculations for a tax demand they have prepared covering the last ten years of non payment.

With resilience as my master, I have begun to assess the pros and cons of going into an IVA and, along with the help of my trusty friend Chris I have, yet again, resisted the underhand comments of the Bank of Scotland’s solicitors Merrils Ede.   I have not, however, done anything with my letter from the Inland Revenue.   For this I require something more than just resilience and for the past few days this attribute, whatever it may be, appears to have deserted me.

My fear is the Inland Revenue will, with one flourish of their bureaucratic pen sweep us into bankruptcy if I am unable to meet their demands.  It is my understanding they take no prisoners and it is for this reason their letter lies neglected in the dark of my office cupboard waiting for strength to join forces with resilience and give me the wherewithal to tackle the six pages of Inland Revenue calculations.  I know I must at all costs produce a reply which avoids another demand for money we do not have. 

I have always believed harnessing resilience will help me acquire the ability to work with adversity in such a way I may come through it unharmed and perhaps even better for the experience. I haveve learned to accept I must face life’s difficulties with courage and patience by refusing to give up so I can rebound from these misfortunes, hardships and traumas to face overwhelming odds again and again. While I appreciate I can never go back to start a new beginning today or any other day I am, at least, able to take solace in the knowledge there is always tomorrow.

Today I am completely overwhelmed but tomorrow I will start a new day and make a new ending.

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